Overlappers: They start a new relationship before breaking up with you I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed Me - Bolde April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now shes pregnant with his son. If the woman is not required to support a child Have you noticed how people sometimes own up to having unprotected sex, but its always when they didnt get pregnant? You want to be a slave to a prick like him? Id confirm that hes actually the father. he was told that he could not have any children so i thought she wasnt his. And it wont be you for very long. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. It sounds glib, and I mean, malarky? 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. female Think of the children. He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Its a two way street guys. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. It takes a man to be a father. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. Remember we are hearing all this second or third hand. 4. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Oh boy. All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. The timing was exactly right. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Nope, none of it matters. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. SpaceySteph I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Is it 100% fair to men or women? I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! I agree with you, as well. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? so we have a 8mth baby. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. Personally, it doesnt sound like shes trying to trap your untrappable boyfriend into a relationship YOU are trying to trap him, or get rid of him, by telling him he should stay with her because its his kid (and then you go around calling her (the mother of your BFs child) scoat and such very classy)! Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. Where exactly do you live? So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. Good times. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . Just stay away from mens wallets. Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. This discussion sure got crazy though! We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. Malarky. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) The father would divorce himself from the child and any obligations to the mother. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. I think you handled your situation in the best way possible. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. . However, I realize thats a pipe dream. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. More like: her: what do you want to do about it? April 9, 2012, 3:33 pm, bittergaymark Any woman who, in a divorce, grants custody of the children to the father is an immature asshole, and any woman who spends her life in her career an allows the father to raise the children is an immature asshole, because, in each of those cases, the woman is just as guilty of abdicating the role of parent as the guy here would be, and in many of them, she also doesnt even provide financial support. I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. This guy, you can most definitely live without. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. April 9, 2012, 5:24 pm, The mention of being logical for some reason made me think of the whole idea of true abandonment. And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. 2. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. It will have feelings too. There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 So the system is very one sided. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. Bless her heart. SpaceySteph April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I (28F) found out that my boyfriend (30M) is talking to another girl, just a day after we broke up (no proper closure). Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. Its not a complex procedure. And the man? reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. Dont force him to be. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. That still has no impact on my main points. 24 signs your ex-girlfriend misses you 1) She's all over your social If Babies come from the hospital. she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. How long his new relationship has lasted. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. Three babies? My husbands 2 month affair has ended with his girlfriend being pregnant Both have to accept responsibility for that. lets_be_honest When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. Let him go. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Stuff like this really grinds my gears. Is it fair to a kid to be born into a world where his dad abandons him? It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? And MOA. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. The woman accepts the ejaculate what she does with it is now her business, and her business alone. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. lets_be_honest But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. Chuck Pelto She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? When you split up with someone, you SPLIT UP. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! Run as if your life depends on it because it does. While I grant you that the lack of control for men once a pregnancy occurs is, in a sense, unfair, I think there is unfairness on both sides of the issue. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. A kid is not a building. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. If it is hers you bet she supports it. How the heck do you administer THAT?! Is that pretty much it? If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. If I got pregnant by a guy who begged me to have one, I would tell him if he doesnt want this child he can just fuck off and I will raise him/her but I will not kill my own child for him. bittergaymark As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. And, you are not the choice. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. Why do you think that is? Its more than I can handle on a Monday! bittergaymark kerrycontrary So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. She has every right to be shocked and upset about the turn of the events, but the way she is reacting; blaming everything on the woman, judging her, calling HER names, is wrong and she comes off as an immature, witchy teenager. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. female We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? And is this letter for real? For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. Oh, me too! The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? BTW, believe it or not, I usually agree with the majority of the commenters here. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. Problem. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. Um, yeah. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. They came first. Cut your losses and get the hell out. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Ugh so agree with Amanda. Iwannatalktosampson Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. She got pregnant. Steve Kellmeyer Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. That support is not hers. He didnt. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. She came first. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. All magically on the pill? Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. The dream is a signal for your quest for power. Of course life is unfair. They Didn't "Win". And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. And the world goes round. And if so, Im ready. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. Parasites are all the same. thus why I said troll label aside. So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. Bless This Mess. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. Are you kidding? And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Couples break up for many reasons. April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. That is what makes him a douchenozzle. lets_be_honest Its painfully obvious. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. I completely agree. As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Whatever. And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. But not usually. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph Francine You are too funny John. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. She takes her pill every day at the same time. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. I was devastated. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. But thats a crime?. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. The child support goes to support the child. He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. Addie Pray Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. Jess of CGW I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. ! April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. Wrong. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). You and John are both arguing something that nobody else is. Well he will still have to pay child support. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. P.S. April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. I dont feel anyone should be forced to be a part of a childs life. If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. You dont really get a say in this matter. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. Who are we talking about now? You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. Even if she was taking it appropriately (same time every day, no antibiotics interfering, etc), it still isnt 100% effective. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? Its fucking simple. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Please do better. I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. Go back and reread the original letter starting with the part where hes furious with the woman he impregnated. A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. By the way, there was no implication that it makes it easy for the woman to get child support. lets_be_honest She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life.
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